Fool me Twice
by StringynKel
Summary: Louie finds himself in a sticky situation involving a moth, a merman, and five rounds of ammo.


The only thing Louie could think for days after the "ammo incident," as his crew tactfully put it, was that he really didn't mean for it to go that far. Sure, the initial looks of appreciation made him feel a little better, but when he accidentally let slip what really went down on the ocean floor, suddenly the crew's interest in their recently gained ammunition became refocused on his honest mistake.

But really, they should have understood. He was starving, his crew had the hand-eye coordination of a bowl of sautéed mushrooms, and if they ran out of ammo, the entire trip would be for naught. So what if he had to whore himself out to a beautiful merman to restock their ammunition stores? If they survived, he would be thanked for it.

Of course, they weren't thanking him for the time being. Every time he hazarded a trip outside his quarters, he was immediately bombarded with sniggers and awkward questions. He tried to make up for it by being extra manly, hauling in large amounts of food and doing the work of ten men, but to no avail. Even the captain was too preoccupied with laughing at him to notice his recent bout of helpfulness. Which, of course, meant that the hunting was not getting done at all.

It didn't take long for delirium to set in, and soon his hard-earned ammo was being fed to pelicans and people were mysteriously getting their shoes tied up in the rigging. It was entertaining at first, but after a few days of starvation, disaster struck in the form of insectoid, winged evil.

There really wasn't any stopping Filipe from chasing that moth off the edge of the airship, and to be honest, this wasn't what aroused Louie's eternal hatred of the nocturnal beast. No, it was the captain's insistence that Louie go down and inspect the body to check for signs of life. Now, if this had happened over the volcano fields, he would have been fine. But, as luck would have it, they were still over the ocean when this particular misfortune befell them. Louie tried to get out of it, he really did. But cry, stomp, swear, fight, sabotage, bite, or whine as he might, nothing deterred the captain's subborn orders. And so, sighing and soooo not looking forward to it, Louie took the plunge.

It didn't take him long to find Filipe sinking slowly through the water. He was still alive, but not for long, so Louie figured he might as well save the poor guy some misery, and save the crew some food. It's not like they would be coming down there to question why their crew member was completely devoid of blood after what should have been a simple fall to his death. His meal finished, Louie turned up toward the surface of the ocean and started swimming.

He had almost made it to the surface where the airship waited for him, when he heard an all-too-familiar voice.

"Louie!"

Louie tried to pretend he didn't hear the merman swimming up behind him. When that failed, he tried to pretend he didn't speak English. Unfortunately, the merman was not convinced, having spoken to him before. So Louie went with plan C and whimpered slightly before turning to face his accidental flame.

"You came back," the merman looked elated.

"Yeah, one of my crew decided to go for a swim," Louie gestured at the corpse drifting through the water, fish curiously nipping at its eyeballs.

"I see…" the merman looked slightly nauseated before turning back to Louie. "I thought you'd never return to me. I've been scouring the sea since we parted, hoping to catch another glimpse of you."

"Oh, um… that… that must have been…" Louie trailed off, seriously freaked out. It had only been a week, what was wrong with this guy?

"Yes," the merman sighed wistfully, "I spent many a night fretting that I would never see you again. But no matter, you have returned!" He leaned in, evidently hoping to pick up where they had left off. Louie hastily retreated in a sort of awkward backstroke/butterfly that resulted in his foot inadvertently caressing the merman's tail.

"Oh, Louie," the merman murmured, eyes darkening with lust. "I didn't know you felt that way."

"I- what? No! Tha-that was an acc-" but the merman pressed a finger to Louie's lips, cutting him off.

"Surely your crew can spare you for a few hours," the merman whispered into Louie's ear, causing the vampire to blush.

"But… but how would that even work?" Louie asked weakly.

The merman ran a hand along Louie's chest and purred, "Why don't you come and find out?"

A tiny spark of curiosity came to life in Louie's heart, and he knew he was screwed. He could either go back to the airship, dignity intact, and live the rest of eternity knowing that he missed out on the educational experience of a lifetime, or he could go with this merman to the depths of the ocean and answer the question that has plagued sailors since time untold.

Casting a defeated glance up at the airship, Louie sighed and followed the merman's glistening tail into the deep.


End file.
